Ok, so I’m a terrible blogger, it seems. Or at the very least, an irregular one.
The abandonment of this particular writing venture was unintentionally highlighted to me by a guy who emailed me last week about my post-grad course. The course that ended on December 2010. My last post was October 2010. Oh dear.
He mentioned having looked at my blog (which does mention the course, in an earlier entry) and I was suddenly hideously embarassed about how I’d just sort of stopped writing. Somehow saying ‘oh, I’ve been busy’ doesn’t quite cut it, although a lot of things in my life have taken over (my new job as a reporter for my local rag, planning the wedding, implementing our own wretched austerity measures to afford said wedding).
A few updates: post course, I did 6 mths at online SEO agency Adfero before joining my local newspaper group as a cub reporter. I’m now training for my NCE, loving every second of my job and finally using all the training I recieved on my post grad.
I am getting married on September 1st 2012. As exciting and lovely as this is, we have little time for the excited part at the moment due to the fact that there’s so much frickin’ work to do. On a more positive note, weddings really do show you who your closest friends are. One of my bridesmaids hand-made a guest book for my birthday; its beautiful and was such a touching gift.
The older you get, the more ways you have to split yourself, it seems – work life and home life, career and family, friends and responsibilities. So really, there is no reason for me to not update at least once a week – it’s a case of just cramming more time in.
The difficulty in splitting yourself a dozen ways or so was rather dramatically highlighted by a recent spat with a friend. Not just my spat either, this was a whole rolling snowball (seasonal metaphor there) of bad feeling culminating in the ultimate put-down…a Facebook friend delete.
It centred around a weekend away for a few people’s birthdays, including mine, in November. Plans were loosely based around a weekend in Manchester. With aforementioned wretched austerity measures I was pretty sure we couldn’t afford to go, and despite Boy trying to work it out, we ended up dropping out. I sent out an apologetic text to my friends and on the most part and recieved ‘dont worry, do what you have to do’ replies. All’s well then.
Until another friend, lets call him K, had a hissy fit. Proclaiming all sorts of melodrama about how terrible it was that we couldn’t even be bothered to come out for a pint for his birthday (only it wasn’t just ‘a pint’, it was a hotel stay, train fare and night out costs) and how as a result he didn’t want to spend time with any of us anymore.
I tried to fix it. I left messages, I texted…but nothing. He deleted our entire circle, bar the one guy who made it Manchester, off Facebook.
A week later, a text crept through, with K explaining that he needed ‘time alone’ as he was angry and that although he understood my reason for not going, he wasn’t happy about how people generally did not attend. Like people had done it maliciously, not because of money, time, notice etc.
I so understand what he’s saying. We’ve all been thought sixth form togther before buggering off to seperate unis and we’re now in varying states of employment and further study. When we were all 18, even when we were at uni, dropping everything for a night in the pub, or blowing the last of your overdraft on a gig or hotel room somewhere for a night out was easy. Not sensible, but you had no responsibilities, you’d just eat beans on toast until your next payday.
Now its so much harder. We’ve all got jobs, or serious study that sucks up most of our week, some of us are squirrelling away a deposit to get on the property ladder, moving in together, or like me, preparing to strap themselves to someone forever via legal ceremony. My best friend in the whole world is doing a PHD, is stressed up to the eyeballs and has to be booked well in advance for even a coffee, let alone a night out.
But I don’t get mad at them – I’m just as busy, just as torn between everything going on in my life and so I plan ahead, see people when I can and try to make it semi-regular.
K, on the other hand, seems to take it personally. We’re deemeed to be lesser friends because we can’t drop everything to go out like the old days. I’d love to have the freedom of my student years back, but I also love my house (work in progress), planning my future with Boy (wedding folder 101) and my job (council meeting til 11pm last week. Brutal). So I can’t just skip out and blow cash when I want.
But the way I see it, this means the occasions we do all get together are more special. When I meet a friend for coffee, we can chat for hours about everything that’s going on and appreciate the variety in each other’s lives now. We try make meeting up an event, visiting somewhere, trying something new, instead of just killing time in the pub like before. One day some of us will have children, making meeting up that much harder still – but if you have real friends, your lack of free time won’t matter. You’ll both make the effort to shoehorn each other into busy schedules, text, call, email.
I love K. I do, he’s a good bloke and a caring friend. But he needs to accept that we’re not students anymore. The crazy days are over; the years of diary-plotting and bullet-proof friendships has begun.